Attention father-in-law! I'm pregnant now. I know you're happy for us, thank you. Here is the new order of things now that we have a baby on the way.
1. The Me-and-Husband bank is now closed, as is the taxi company; I suggest you stop spending your money on booze and weed and register your car.
2. We are not a job placement agency and therefore are not obligated to help you find work. Need work? You're a big boy, start filling out applications.
3. You are dangerously close to using up all the rollover minutes on the cell phone plan to which I was kind enough to add you. Once they are gone, so is your phone. I have no money for the fees you will incur by going over our allotted minutes, and since the plan is in my name, I am the one held liable and therefore the one making the decisions about this.
In closing: fuck you. I hate you and if it were up to me you wouldn't even meet this child, you lazy, irresponsible, alcoholic pothead. Consider yourself lucky that your son loves you so much.