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#6347

my husband came home from work angry. He started yelling about how much he hates the neighbor's kids and that he never wants to have children. I was going to tell him I'm pregnant tonight.

Good one!!! (83407)

You can do Better... (2491)

March

2009

by:

Anonymous

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6480

I e-mailed my professor asking if I could make up an exam because my grandma passed away and I was at the funeral. She gave me a zero because I used the same 'excuse' a month ago. Now I have to produce both death certificates because my grandmas' died a month apart.

Good one!!! (83074)

You can do Better... (3242)

March

2009

by:

Anonymous

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6518

my parents won't stop bragging about how my sister is dating the captain of her high school football team. I just got accepted to law school.

Good one!!! (82932)

You can do Better... (2631)

March

2009

by:

HatesTheLaw

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6259

I decided to eat at this new cafe near my apartment. When I sat down a super flamboyant waiter came up to me and asked for my order. I asked him what he recommended. He said "to be honest honey you could go for the salad." I just got out of an eating disorders rehab and put on 30 pounds.

Good one!!! (82915)

You can do Better... (3816)

April

2009

by:

fatty_mcfatfat

Category:

Health

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#6476

I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window.

Good one!!! (82371)

You can do Better... (3429)

March

2009

by:

Anonymous

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#4063

I found out that just because your BF asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding.

Good one!!! (82201)

You can do Better... (2467)

July

2009

by:

loveless

Category:

Love

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#5677

my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen along with my flatscreen TV digital camera external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen.

Good one!!! (82036)

You can do Better... (2962)

April

2009

by:

sad

Category:

Money

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#5298

my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed he was just coming out of the bathroom he was fully naked I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum he replied with "That's right bitch I'm your daddy I'll show you in bed".

Good one!!! (81830)

You can do Better... (2930)

May

2009

by:

mynickhuh

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6699

I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in talking on her phone. She told her friend "I have to go there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react she turned to me and said "Sorry for lying I really wanted to get off the phone with her."

Good one!!! (81686)

You can do Better... (2402)

March

2009

by:

TuralSucks

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6421

we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames.

Good one!!! (81392)

You can do Better... (4122)

March

2009

by:

rusty2020

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6022

as I got down on one knee and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?" she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important.

Good one!!! (81168)

You can do Better... (3090)

April

2009

by:

SucksToBeMe

Category:

Love

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#5613

I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off of the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating crapping puking having tests and an bunch of IV fluids my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $24000 in bills. Really.

Good one!!! (81102)

You can do Better... (7976)

May

2009

by:

sick

Category:

Health

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#6136

I was eating dinner. At a restaurant. Alone. At a table set for twelve. My family had stayed home to watch the replays of the football and didn't think to tell me. REPLAYS. They saw the LIVE GAME last week. I left after about an hour and people applauded as I walked out.

Good one!!! (81059)

You can do Better... (2377)

April

2009

by:

Tomtom

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#5606

I woke up feeling like something was crawling inside my ear. I immediately went to the doctor's and was told a roach had crawled into my ear. The doctor tried to drown it with water but that only caused it to swell up and get stuck. I just had a roach removed piece by piece from my ear.

Good one!!! (80668)

You can do Better... (2135)

May

2009

by:

Anonymous

Category:

Health

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#4881

I called my girlfriend to ask her to the movies. She declined and said she was sick and was going to sleep. Wanting to see the movie I invited my mom and we went. My mom then pointed out my "sick" girlfriend making out with a guy. My mom threw a full bag of popcorn at her.

Good one!!! (80570)

You can do Better... (2632)

June

2009

by:

Reject3d

Category:

Love

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#5880

my entire family blamed me for the death of my grandpa because I didn't go to church this morning. I didn't go to church because I was the only one who volunteered to stay with him that night because everyone else wanted to go play on my uncle's new Wii.

Good one!!! (80399)

You can do Better... (1373)

April

2009

by:

deadgrandma

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6725

as I was bagging groceries at Dominicks I looked down to see a 6 year old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom only to be told to "mind my own god damned business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer.

Good one!!! (80150)

You can do Better... (1838)

March

2009

by:

Unemployed

Category:

Work

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#3513

I got my first kiss. I'm 56.

Good one!!! (79765)

You can do Better... (15315)

August

2009

by:

bathtime_

Category:

Love

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#4968

I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter on his desk also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago.

Good one!!! (79708)

You can do Better... (2049)

June

2009

by:

guamFNL

Category:

Miscellaneous

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#6845

my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present she gave me a subscription to match.com.

Good one!!! (79503)

You can do Better... (2669)

March

2009

by:

you would

Category:

Love

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