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#10629

I went to the nurses office because my stomach hurt. She looked at me and said sympathetically "Aren't menstrual cramps the worst? There's a cot in the back hun." She must've mistaken me for a girl with my long hair because I'm a boy.

Good one!!! (368)

You can do Better... (182)

26

July

2010

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#1335

my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me.

Good one!!! (11977)

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07

December

2009

by:

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#6250

I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. was my wedding day.

Good one!!! (43002)

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03

April

2009

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#9807

I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble.

Good one!!! (7052)

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10

July

2010

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#8604

I hit the girl I like in the face with the door breaking both her nose and chipping her front teeth.

Good one!!! (3556)

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03

May

2010

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#12858

There was a girl in my office she was very beautiful and I really liked her. She had a boyfriend but I always felt an attraction for her. Her boyfriend did not like her friendship with me. And one day she just said that we cant be friends anymore. I felt very angry on her BF and felt like breaking his teeth. But I controlled my anger and just moved on with my life.

Good one!!! (35)

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18

June

2012

by:

GoarmahoF

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#4966

my mother offered me $1.00 for each piece of asparagus I would eat at dinner. I made $14.00. I am 17 years old.

Good one!!! (10757)

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02

June

2009

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#2338

I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options."

Good one!!! (19184)

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15

October

2009

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#3998

I asked my BF to come over for dinner because I had some big news. He said he did too and came over. After stuffing his face full of food he broke up with me and said he'd re-enlisted into the marines leaving in two weeks. I was going to tell him i'm 9 weeks pregnant.

Good one!!! (43362)

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23

July

2009

by:

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#4546

the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son.

Good one!!! (55943)

You can do Better... (2395)

24

June

2009

by:

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#11259

i like to watch full house, it is corny and stupid but whenever it's on i watch it

Good one!!! (10)

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19

November

2010

by:

ladybug aphids

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#6740

I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table a couple walking behind me commented "See that's why Americans are so obese."

Good one!!! (34585)

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09

March

2009

by:

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#598

I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic.

Good one!!! (6292)

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14

January

2010

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#9533

my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart.

Good one!!! (638)

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16

June

2010

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#2417

my parents met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. They not only brought along embarrassing childhood photos of myself they'd 'accidentally' placed an intimate photo of me and my ex-girlfriend with them. That was their subtle way of telling everyone they prefer my ex.

Good one!!! (23718)

You can do Better... (1353)

11

October

2009

by:

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#1346

I woke up and found that someone had taken a shit on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door.

Good one!!! (27148)

You can do Better... (1004)

06

December

2009

by:

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#8820

I woke up to find that the police blocked off my entire street. Turns out my neighbor was harboring a fugitive. How did I find out? When I stepped outside to see what my dog was barking at they drew their guns on me. I pissed myself.

Good one!!! (526)

You can do Better... (31)

15

May

2010

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#10209

while lifeguarding I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning he only had one arm. He yelled at me.

Good one!!! (518)

You can do Better... (64)

22

July

2010

by:

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#328

I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened to which she responded "I always knew you were full of shit I didn't need a doctor to tell me that."

Good one!!! (15090)

You can do Better... (3311)

28

January

2010

by:

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#1918

my BF of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to shit me.

Good one!!! (19201)

You can do Better... (2790)

06

November

2009

by:

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