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#6925

I forgot to do my French homework but since it was an online worksheet I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail.

Good one!!! (14334)

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28

February

2009

by:

ihavepinkbackpac

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#5909

I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a shit on his face he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding.

Good one!!! (15967)

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18

April

2009

by:

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#6609

I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie.

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15

March

2009

by:

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#6192

I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies 'Hahah! Was that a F*ing joke?' I reply 'No why would it be?' She then replied 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.'

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05

April

2009

by:

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#6504

I came home and saw on our fridge "Please don't drink anymore I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?"

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21

March

2009

by:

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#6561

the guy I like asked to me the upcoming dance. I immediately rejected him assuming that it was just a joke between him and his friends. With a dejected face he walked away and I saw him throw something in the trash can. It was a rose for me. He wasn't joking.

Good one!!! (21018)

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18

March

2009

by:

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#6405

while at the Golden Gate Bridge I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole I got it" in plain English.

Good one!!! (13574)

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26

March

2009

by:

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#4798

I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks.

Good one!!! (6796)

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11

June

2009

by:

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#6878

I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with "No but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around and they were right behind me.

Good one!!! (10137)

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02

March

2009

by:

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#6168

I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing which were from the store. Turns out she didn't she's the manager.

Good one!!! (7243)

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06

April

2009

by:

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#3715

while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil.

Good one!!! (4265)

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06

August

2009

by:

who_could_it_be

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#6250

I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. was my wedding day.

Good one!!! (43002)

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03

April

2009

by:

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#6670

my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16 so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras - love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having it off with my BF.

Good one!!! (27535)

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12

March

2009

by:

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#6971

I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row grabbed his test and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you -Mom."

Good one!!! (19756)

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26

February

2009

by:

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#3211

I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich.

Good one!!! (3058)

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01

September

2009

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#6625

my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra ?t helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell."

Good one!!! (7538)

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14

March

2009

by:

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#5935

I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop.

Good one!!! (8917)

You can do Better... (118558)

16

April

2009

by:

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#5612

I left a party after drinking and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine.

Good one!!! (8903)

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02

May

2009

by:

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#5686

I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue.

Good one!!! (6180)

You can do Better... (113494)

28

April

2009

by:

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#6194

a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital.

Good one!!! (5707)

You can do Better... (113308)

05

April

2009

by:

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