Work - Confessions, rants, complaints and funny stories

#12886

I had some anxiety about doing this project...so i thought i'd start working on it and decide if I could do it. So I ended up doing like ten pages, it's not as difficult as I anticipated. At this rate I'll get it done early anyways and it'll be a nice big check in september!! Sometimes, when things make me a bit anxious, that's what I do, just jump in and face the dragon.

Good one!!! (22)

You can do Better... (2)

11

July

2012

by:

Acullydug

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12870

i am going to quit my job and not give a two week notice.

Good one!!! (6)

You can do Better... (4)

10

July

2012

by:

myobvrneqm

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12819

I rarely have professional respect for people that don't have a technical education or core science/engineering skills. Especially people like "Project Managers" and "Client Relationship Managers." I act like they are peers and as smart as me and as important, but really I think that they are mostly just low-worth individuals that I have to deal with to buy cool toys for the big brains to play with. Only a few really good ones are worthwhile, the rest are mostly helpless and clueless and I can do their job better than they can.

Good one!!! (11)

You can do Better... (4)

30

April

2012

by:

genius

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12541

So my lesbian co-worker and I use yoga balls instead of office chairs at our desks, and periodically we have to re-inflate them. Today she came in with a bike pump that only had female plugs, and the balls also only had female plugs on them. She started trying to pump up the ball by putting the two female holes together and I didn't know how to explain that a male plug was actually necessary in this situation. #FML

Good one!!! (0)

You can do Better... (1)

01

January

2012

by:

somedudewhosjustwritingthis

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12529

I was arrested for solicitation. It was my first time and the girl was beautiful. That is your first clue you are about to be arrested, real street walkers are not attractive. My car was impounded as part of this and my face plastered on some local access cable channel for a week. My mom read about it in the police blotter.

Good one!!! (0)

You can do Better... (0)

01

January

2012

by:

solicitt

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12508

I used to work for an oil change place. That environmental disposal fee you are charged? Half the time we used dumped in down the sewer out back.

Good one!!! (37)

You can do Better... (14)

09

December

2011

by:

oilchanger

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12429

Everyone thinks I do telemarketing for my job. I really do phone sex. I've taken a call from one of my parents friends before. He is 20 years older than me but I want him now after hearing his deepest fantasies.

Good one!!! (42)

You can do Better... (39)

08

November

2011

by:

telemar

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12426

this tiny petite woman in my office stomps around like a fucking clydesdale - drives me up the fucking wall. also, her pee stream is so loud, i can hear it from my office. are these grounds for her termination?

Good one!!! (46)

You can do Better... (11)

06

November

2011

by:

Wowcaweerwoto

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12307

Think I might have served someone underage last night, my manager would kill me if he knew.

Good one!!! (0)

You can do Better... (0)

19

September

2011

by:

L

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12285

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Good one!!! (42)

You can do Better... (24)

31

August

2011

by:

mylawyers

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12264

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

Good one!!! (29)

You can do Better... (13)

23

August

2011

by:

zooman

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12199

I was a member of the armed forces for 8 years. Not many people know I served. I don't like to talk about it. I post in the Military thread but have never stated I was in the military.

People always ask, when they find out what my job description: How many people have you killed?

I've only ever told a couple of people. And now you: 27.

11 were killed by my rifle.

The rest were killed by a missile that I ordered and directed.

To this day, I'm not sure that what I did was good and right. But I did it and I'm OK with it.

Good one!!! (61)

You can do Better... (11)

05

August

2011

by:

ikilled

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12175

I've written and recorded over 50 songs in the last 6 years, and I'm proud of a lot of them :)
Over the last two years, I've only recorded 2 - I feel as if my musical talent is slowly slipping away. :(

Good one!!! (46)

You can do Better... (13)

26

July

2011

by:

musician

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12171

I once convinced a guy that he was working for a top-secret government agency that employed 16 year old kids as agents against a growing communist threat. He never found out it was me - He went on 2 missions for me.

Good one!!! (33)

You can do Better... (10)

24

July

2011

by:

diversantclu

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12159

I went over my boss's head to get out of the department I'm in. I even went over his boss's head as well. I hate my job so much and I haven't done anything about it until my S/O told me that I should try to change it. I wouldn't even be working where I am if it wasn't for my S/O. At first I wanted to stay within the realm of what I do currently, however I quickly made a move to a totally different spectrum of work within the same company. I have raised such hell that they have hired 2 new people to replace me when I leave the team. The sad thing is I am the best on the team and I do not want to tell the people who work with me everything I know about the job they are doing before I leave the department because in my mind that makes me the best worker in my current department. I am counting the days until I get moved and I am doing so by doing less and less work everyday.

Good one!!! (32)

You can do Better... (11)

20

July

2011

by:

slacking off

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12117

Shortly after I got out of college a few friends and I went on a road trip just driving around the country. While driving through New Mexico, my friend met a woman in a truck stop when we were having lunch. We had no specific plans and no timetable. She needed to get to Los Angeles in a few days. We said we'd take her.

Fast Forward to about 4 hours after we left the truck stop. We were on the road (me driving, my one friend riding shotgun and the other friend in the back seat with the girl.

Everyone but me was getting pretty intoxicated while I drove and the girl ended up getting really friendly with my friend in the back seat and blew him. We (in the front seat) were telling her it wasn't fair that our friend (back seat) got a blow job and we didn't. She said she'd blow us too. My friends switched seats and she blew my buddy that was riding shotgun. Then we pulled over and my friend (that met her) drove while I got blown.

When she finished blowing me I noticed SHE HAD A HARD ON! I freaked the fuck out. I started screaming she's got a cock, she's a fucking guy and my friend pulled over threw her out of the car, got back in the car and took off.

If there is a plus side to this story, my friend did not throw her two bags out of the car with her/him and there was a little over 3 grand in cash in her small bag. We kept the cash and threw her/his bag out the window.

Good one!!! (45)

You can do Better... (23)

20

June

2011

by:

dumphim

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12116

I want to tell my coworker who is having problems with her hubby to dump his ass and come fuck me.

Good one!!! (25)

You can do Better... (3)

20

June

2011

by:

dumphim

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12101

I am a highly paid independent contractor and I must admit that when it comes to job "performance", I am absolutely, without a doubt, the world's biggest "Fuck Up"!!!

But it's OK. I'm a gigilo and my customers all love me !!!

Good one!!! (21)

You can do Better... (12)

17

June

2011

by:

gigolo

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12100

My job is really easy. I get paid loads of money & I hardly have anything to do. I often 'work from home' & spend the day playing with myself or having sex with my wife. And sometimes it makes me feel terrible!

Good one!!! (24)

You can do Better... (5)

17

June

2011

by:

igotmore

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment

#12099

Basically, I hate people like you, you arrogant son of a bitch. Oooh, I'm so impressed you can name basketball players. Wooptie fucking do. Can you do 8th grade Alegbra? Yeah, didn't think so, fat ass. Also, I hate you, another arrogant son of a bitch. Oooh, I'm so impressed that you can throw around computer terms. Wow, you paid a lot for that in college (well, technically, I paid a lot for it since your parents can't get their act together) when you could've just gone to a technical school. This is why you have to have a girlfriend who's 15 years old. No one else, especially not me, is impressed. P.S. I'm married, dickface, so stop living in your 9th grade dream of dating me by putting little

Good one!!! (31)

You can do Better... (12)

17

June

2011

by:

foffyou

Category:

Work

Comments :: Add a comment